Thoughts In A Wandering Mind

                        It has been few months since I joined my present job. I am pausing every now and then, taking a moment to step back and contemplate what is going on. It still amazes me that all this good is happening to me in the backdrop of all the worst that had happened to me in the recent past. Not many months ago, my face portrayed hopelessness and my work gave me nothing monetarily. I tried so hard for a job that the universe must have conspired to line up all the necessary things and put in place, give a 360 degree turn to my fortunes, life and reinforced my belief in the ultimate justice. If you fight for what you want and keep on marching like a soldier, you will find your destination you deserve. I felt home at work and think my final destination is reached, right in the middle of the home nation and home town. I am in a good company and in the company...

                      There has been a lapse of posting due to reasons beyond my control. The past few weeks, there has been a change of guard. I am into a job which has me occupied for most of my time, keeping me in a state of low-lying slumber. But the continuity of the actions is the wrath of hell upon me. No matter how much I give, I will be drawn into giving much more. I had been looking for a proper break since long which has eluded me ever since. You will work with much less worries, tensions, stress and more energy after a meaningful pause. Instead I am left to worry each single day and work round the year. I am yet to know when I will be freed from this bondage. I am off track or not living a normal life since last few years. Rather than it being my choice, I am forced to lead such a life by circumstances and people around. Because of this crime perpetrated against me by an u...

                         The traversals in the circular rotations that I have been making for a while took me to the starting point again, this time giving me a re-birth. I am born again at the home location from the point where I left with same body and age. I still cannot believe that I returned home from the bloody mission and start all over again as if nothing has happened. It is a miracle that I had been lifted from the myriad problems. This didn’t happen from my own personal efforts since I went as far as the point of no-return. All the collective prayers must have been answered which resulted in unfurling of events leading up to my present state of reincarnation. It once again proves that when you work for the greater good, the same will be reciprocated for your own welfare. I worked for the people and it is the same people who erected me from a collapse. This can be a lesson for everyone who does not cross the ...

                      I am yet to come to terms with the kind of dawn which dawn upon me after sleeping through the grueling night. The night is the gone-by foreign stint. As the situation unfolds finally, the truth in the hindsight is I had to pay for all the actions and adventures done till date. After the impactful stint, I cannot simply return to the normal life without completely getting over the past. I had given way too much to pull it all back. Before setting the ball in motion, I knew the journey can take me to anywhere and saw little hope of ever returning home as an unscathed warrior. By virtue of good timely deeds and well-wishes, I kept up the ante, went to places and returned safely to home. All the losses, credit and huge financial deficit are paid for the achievements, bare minimum physical and mental well-being.         ...

                             When you cannot control your life, it will control you. Much worse is when people control you. I knew of the first paradigm long before and accepted it as a limitation which needs to be improved. The notion of destiny taking the reins is not encouraging and the solution can be arrived through some good guidance and blessings from elderly masters who have complete mastery over their mind, body and soul. To throw some more light of what I don’t have, there is no control on my thoughts at least, leave alone actions. Whenever I am supposed to deliver, all I utter is whatever that comes to my mouth. My body parts move involuntarily without any sync with inner conscience and mind. All the coordinators are loosely coupled and every entity behaves on its own. These internal deficiencies are extrapolated to the outer segment of li...

                         There have been many trips made to the U.S and each has ended in a negative note in some way. The last one was negative and big failure because of my incompetence to befriend and live with any member of opposite sex. Commoners can afford mistakes but not someone who is responsible and in a position to cast his influence on the public. I knew the importance of this and its relationship to the success but neglected for long. For my purpose, this is the needful which I never did. Before commencement of each stint, this has to be included in the homework but I became a foreigner in the home place and reflected the same by becoming a foreign object in the foreign nation. No stint is complete and produce any fruitful results on a small or large scale with these tasteless and unidimensional lives. Thanks to the person that I am, I can only portray...

                    Since the time I last posted, there are many days of importance which flew by into the dark uncaptured. These moments cannot be kept track of as each single day form a link to the huge unbroken chain growing its reach day by day and I will put a few perspectives which comes to the present state of mind. Hardly any person can work beyond this upper limit of action without falling for any danger and yet continue to do the adventures which can be watched like a new movie on a regular basis. You don’t see many people who go through hell for the cause, entertainment and amusement of the audience and it is extremely painful to see the coldblooded people expecting more of these without any thought for the person who puts his everything inline.                     As these orde...

                     There are many reasons people continue with their labor. Some operate without any purpose, some are more specific about the outcome beforehand while some others look for a outcome after the energies are spent pointlessly and time elapsed. I belong to the third category and search for happenings in the hindsight. I am too reckless and easy going not to fight for the purpose of my presence and never mind giving up and going off track. The purpose of coming here on multiple occasions is to mold myself into an employable person in this country. Any aged, grown up person with a similar profile who takes an iota of salt regularly in his food does it. Moreover it is the opportunity which only a lucky few would be getting and many back home vie for. Due to reasons unknown and weaknesses of mine which include fear, other restraining forces, I remained the primitive man not fit ...

                   There are many stages people go through but no one takes the path which I had been experiencing since last few years. The difficulty lies when spending a week becomes as tough as walking on a road with little covering in cold weather. Time knocks you out with its weight in those times. The difficulty is compounded when you are helpless with any other option than to keep moving. The position reached the point when a day became as long as a week, a week became 168 long hours to overcome and a month becomes a quarter and so on. A few years back it is normal that a day seemed like an hour but in the recent past I was stuck neck deep in a quagmire through my own actions that there is no chance to move freely rather than make cumbersome slow and cautious steps. It appears that even these steps lead to a point of no return. One has to at least halt the transgression to such a sorry s...

                   The troubled phase resumed in the foreign nation for the job search. I came and made myself part of this struggle willingly. This is not silly and any big problem might be on the way. I am already engulfed in a lot of problems. First of all, I entered the nation in a paranoid way and started to work, walk with a feeble health. Well, I never thought my outlook resembles that of a mentally ill person. I lamented those who thought so are rather mentally retarded. But I was wrong in my earlier perception since the situation gradually deteriorated and here I was - running helter-skelter impacting things which are beyond my control and range of the duty. Just like the outer space, there is no limit to this paranoia which keeps on pushing the boundaries with each passing day.                   Th...

                     My odyssey in the last job ended before anything serious really began. This once again left few daunting questions for an answer. Will I ever find any employment? Can I continue to work in the job for a considerable period? Will I make any income after the humongous expenditure in effort? These questions puzzled me while I remained unchanged and still look hopeful. Even the best of companies from which a bit of compassion can be expected did not tolerated and find a place for me. I need not tell about the remaining companies. This only deflects the reality further from my imagination of finding a source of income after giving a number of interviews. I mentioned about keeping up the spirits when you are lying low in the last post. Success will ultimately make you forget all the phases of struggle and rejections. Till then the fight continues against one and all. ...