Thoughts In A Wandering Mind

                             When you cannot control your life, it will control you. Much worse is when people control you. I knew of the first paradigm long before and accepted it as a limitation which needs to be improved. The notion of destiny taking the reins is not encouraging and the solution can be arrived through some good guidance and blessings from elderly masters who have complete mastery over their mind, body and soul. To throw some more light of what I don’t have, there is no control on my thoughts at least, leave alone actions. Whenever I am supposed to deliver, all I utter is whatever that comes to my mouth. My body parts move involuntarily without any sync with inner conscience and mind. All the coordinators are loosely coupled and every entity behaves on its own. These internal deficiencies are extrapolated to the outer segment of li...

                         There have been many trips made to the U.S and each has ended in a negative note in some way. The last one was negative and big failure because of my incompetence to befriend and live with any member of opposite sex. Commoners can afford mistakes but not someone who is responsible and in a position to cast his influence on the public. I knew the importance of this and its relationship to the success but neglected for long. For my purpose, this is the needful which I never did. Before commencement of each stint, this has to be included in the homework but I became a foreigner in the home place and reflected the same by becoming a foreign object in the foreign nation. No stint is complete and produce any fruitful results on a small or large scale with these tasteless and unidimensional lives. Thanks to the person that I am, I can only portray...

                    Since the time I last posted, there are many days of importance which flew by into the dark uncaptured. These moments cannot be kept track of as each single day form a link to the huge unbroken chain growing its reach day by day and I will put a few perspectives which comes to the present state of mind. Hardly any person can work beyond this upper limit of action without falling for any danger and yet continue to do the adventures which can be watched like a new movie on a regular basis. You don’t see many people who go through hell for the cause, entertainment and amusement of the audience and it is extremely painful to see the coldblooded people expecting more of these without any thought for the person who puts his everything inline.                     As these orde...

                     There are many reasons people continue with their labor. Some operate without any purpose, some are more specific about the outcome beforehand while some others look for a outcome after the energies are spent pointlessly and time elapsed. I belong to the third category and search for happenings in the hindsight. I am too reckless and easy going not to fight for the purpose of my presence and never mind giving up and going off track. The purpose of coming here on multiple occasions is to mold myself into an employable person in this country. Any aged, grown up person with a similar profile who takes an iota of salt regularly in his food does it. Moreover it is the opportunity which only a lucky few would be getting and many back home vie for. Due to reasons unknown and weaknesses of mine which include fear, other restraining forces, I remained the primitive man not fit ...

                   There are many stages people go through but no one takes the path which I had been experiencing since last few years. The difficulty lies when spending a week becomes as tough as walking on a road with little covering in cold weather. Time knocks you out with its weight in those times. The difficulty is compounded when you are helpless with any other option than to keep moving. The position reached the point when a day became as long as a week, a week became 168 long hours to overcome and a month becomes a quarter and so on. A few years back it is normal that a day seemed like an hour but in the recent past I was stuck neck deep in a quagmire through my own actions that there is no chance to move freely rather than make cumbersome slow and cautious steps. It appears that even these steps lead to a point of no return. One has to at least halt the transgression to such a sorry s...

                   The troubled phase resumed in the foreign nation for the job search. I came and made myself part of this struggle willingly. This is not silly and any big problem might be on the way. I am already engulfed in a lot of problems. First of all, I entered the nation in a paranoid way and started to work, walk with a feeble health. Well, I never thought my outlook resembles that of a mentally ill person. I lamented those who thought so are rather mentally retarded. But I was wrong in my earlier perception since the situation gradually deteriorated and here I was - running helter-skelter impacting things which are beyond my control and range of the duty. Just like the outer space, there is no limit to this paranoia which keeps on pushing the boundaries with each passing day.                   Th...

                     My odyssey in the last job ended before anything serious really began. This once again left few daunting questions for an answer. Will I ever find any employment? Can I continue to work in the job for a considerable period? Will I make any income after the humongous expenditure in effort? These questions puzzled me while I remained unchanged and still look hopeful. Even the best of companies from which a bit of compassion can be expected did not tolerated and find a place for me. I need not tell about the remaining companies. This only deflects the reality further from my imagination of finding a source of income after giving a number of interviews. I mentioned about keeping up the spirits when you are lying low in the last post. Success will ultimately make you forget all the phases of struggle and rejections. Till then the fight continues against one and all. ...