Returning to the Source Before I Leave – Thank You, America

Let me clear some air through a post. I lost my job, yet again this week. After much building up and reaching to this point, this is a huge set back for me. Is this expected. Yes. Is this right outcome. Yes. But do I like the result. Obviously No. The manner in which I was ousted was also questionable for me. After releasing me, the higher-ups from my company gave me a single option - To travel back to my base location. I will be travelling back to home country on 14th of this month in few days. Here came the part I was worried for some time. After much attachment to US, can I leave it all and travel back at any time I lose this job. I had no other option, and I just need to follow the direction. This is because of couple of reasons 1. My company will not look for another project for me after recent debacles of laying off in little time 2. I cannot afford to come out of the company and look for a job on my own with another employer. The first one is plain common sense. After giving multiple opportunities and filing for H1 amendments due to client changes couple of times in just one year, it is never good to expect more from my company for whatever reason, yet again. They didn’t allow and I cannot ask either. The second option is working with another employer. This is where the poor person that is me got worried to make a move. First, I cannot live in US without salary, even if it is for couple of months. I cannot make payments for H1 transfer fee. I cannot get interviews, pass them and land in a job when I deperately need it. I cannot say it for sure that even after making all the difficult moves with visa, cracking the interview and getting a job, the job is not short-lived or not a potential debacle, yet again. It is a dangerous territory to be left in. How can I say I can get a stable job with all that has happened in the last one year to 18 months. How can I leave stability and fire shots in the darkness for the sake of living in US, when my account doesn’t have any funds. Simply I felt, US has failed me at this time. I couldn’t work in a stable job, get enough funds nor do I have a prospect or hope of finding one in the future after a lay-off. The situation climbed upon me to force me into a failure. As a result, I am going back, a failure. A person who was defrauded multiple times, didn’t have any meaningful savings for my family, can’t find a way to continue and earn funds in US, and don’t know what to do after I go back to India. This is where life has led me into after living for the world and the greater good all the while – an uncertain future. 

Why my life has turned extremely unstable in the recent past. I didn’t work for more than few months in any of my last 4 projects or jobs. Every time, there is a communication that I was released after just a few months. How can I continue in this way and have any confidence in my abilities going ahead. Remember, I give everything for a job and live plainly for a job. I don’t have any other distraction in my life. Still, if I was given these heartbreaks time and again, how can I be myself. One observation from the last two projects is the frightening severity a job takes me into. I am not at all in a safe environment to work with a team. What horrible situation can a person face when a team feels I am a ‘threat’, like a terrorist. I am a human and I have feelings. How can I work safely in a job when the gravity simply explodes out of proportion. How can I work when my heart is playing jumping jacks within me. How can I work when my brain processes millions of thoughts in a day, to factor everything into consideration ? This is utter shameless and lack of humanity, dignity or decency on every onlooker for making a simple job like the toughest job in the world. Whoever made this possible deserves applaud and the poor me with so much acting upon me, need to still focus and do the clerical work every day. Shame on the world and shame on everyone else. Find some pretty clothes to cover up. This is not exaggerated talk but everything I experienced when the world reveled in joy at my expense. You all can watch video content coming from me, but with a pinch of salt, day in and day out. The extreme pain and loss of a person will be good and fun for the world right. I knew Chicago is the right place for me to stay, simply for its name and to highlight something lacking in the world all the while – shame. This grew bit by bit all this time and reached the present stage. I never revealed it till now for the sake of giving respect. Thats all. But it is an open secret and there for anyone to see. That a small, helpless and a nothing man from so-called third world is literally carrying the world by stretching way, way beyond his limits. That a poor fellow who shouldn’t be encouraged is creating an aura and great environment in the richest nation. If you still cannot accept, live with eyes closed and pretend you feel nothing. What do I get in return – cries, cries more cries and conspiracy acts to remove me from the job. No appreciation, no reward, no good money. Plain negativity and more negativity. The result – I am mourning for three days straight with a prospect of my career destroyed and hardly any money left. It is useless to live among people who cry so much and look to derive negative atmosphere from me. Someone asked me recently – tell me one positive thing about you. More than anything, they are rubbing negativity as a reason for my destruction. What lies ahead for me is unknown as I step back into homeland. I may even need to switch to an electrician or a plumber roles as I am certified unfit for IT. What a tragedy. Please tell me any good options to work on a daily basis as I am evaluated to be of no good in my role, which I don’t disagree completely either. Given the project durations, it might not be completely false. So the US effectively rendered me useless, jobless, penniless and shameless. No good reasons to cry. I fear I will never be myself again. 

That said, on a positive note, I had very fond memories of my life in US which I carry ahead. Nothing tangible, still, I might have received a lot from this country over the past four years. I return them all to its feet for its glorious future. Especially, I summarized Ramayana in its entirety through weekly blog posts. If the country can travel in that direction, even a bit, it can be biggest positive contribution. Nearly 175 posts on the subject are written over the past exact 4 years. The blog on the epic which was started in May 2022 is continuing in May 2026. Likewise, I had written many good articles in my original blog during my time in US. Nearly 200 articles, covering varied topics are posted every week. I hope this continues far into the future. Other than this, I hope I contributed positively in the places I worked, stayed and moved to. The people are amazing and it becomes one of the reasons for my retreat – the fear that I belong here. The amazing conferences I attended every year for the past three years will stay with me for long. I hope they continue far into the future. I also worked extremely hard over the past four years - standing up for job, riding bicycles, walking long distances before buying a car. I visited a number of places and touched many states, which I will continue to ruminate. I will continue to write on positive factors in another blog series since there might be so many good memories and I will try to recall them all in a series of posts. This is much more important as I may never visit US again, due to my visa restrictions. I may not come back to US ever physically but I will continue my commentary through blogposts – always a great topic to write about this country. 

In the end, I leave with empty hands in the material sense, but not with an empty heart. The United States gave me four unforgettable years — years of movement, struggle, learning, writing, reflection, travel, work, hope, heartbreak, and growth. I arrived as one person and depart as another. Even through instability and pain, this land gave me experiences that will remain alive within me for the rest of my life. 

I gave this country my time, my labor, my discipline, my creativity, my words, my loyalty to work, and the best effort I could summon every single day. In return, it gave me memories, perspective, resilience, and countless moments that shaped my understanding of life and the world. Whatever good I created here — through my writing, my work, my presence, my ideas, my journeys, and my attempts to contribute positively — I return all of it back at the feet of this nation for its continued greatness and future prosperity. 

The roads I walked, the conferences I attended, the cities I stayed in, the people I met, the struggles I endured, the 175 Ramayana posts written over four years, the hundreds of articles published every week, the dreams I carried while crossing states and rebuilding myself repeatedly — all of these now become part of my memory and part of America’s story in my life. 

I leave not with hatred, but with gratitude mixed with sorrow. Not every journey ends in victory as imagined, yet every journey leaves behind meaning. Perhaps my role here was not to accumulate wealth or stability, but to witness, to learn, to write, to endure, and to leave behind words that may outlive my stay itself. 

So I step away quietly, carrying the good memories forward and returning every contribution, every prayer, every effort, and every ounce of goodwill back to this country for its glorious future. Even if I never return physically again, a part of my thoughts, writing, and spirit will continue to remain here always.