The Stigma of Divorce in U.S. and in Developed World.

We have dealt with some important vices in the U.S. in the last two posts after the Indian roundup. This is more relevant in the modern day U.S. where there as many vices as there is good stuff. The issues need to be identified, introspected, internalized and immobilized from the society without rising to alarming levels. These are particularly ugly in a society from an Indian perspective. For instance, I mentioned about domestic and external violence perpetrated by U.S. in one post. Modern Indian is built on the bedrock of peaceful freedom movement, with highest accord given to peace and non-violence. These very virtues need to be preached by India to the west in maintaining peace and order in the world. The west and U.S. in particular has a huge vacuum for peace and countries like India need to fill it. This is the meaningful exchange which needs to take place. Similarly, the healthcare is abysmal in U.S. whereas India does a lot better with discharge of affordable health care at very low prices. Once again, U.S. needs to learn from India to solve its complex problem which doesn’t work for a common citizen patient.  

At least, in these two areas, India is miles ahead to U.S. which is where the exchanges or the pointing out needs to be taken with seriousness and incorporated for the evolution of a better nation than the present. In this instalment, let us talk about another important building block in the way societies operate or built upon – families, marriages and divorces. This is once again an area where west and U.S. needs to learn a lot from India. I will point to a simple stat to drive the point home - almost 50% of all marriages in U.S. end in divorce where India has the lowest divorce rate in the world with just 1%. Looking at U.S. which is the third most populous country, the 50% translates to millions of people getting separated and coming from another highly populated country India, 1% separation with 99% intact for life is a tremendous achievement. Not just U.S., every European nation and much of the developed world suffers with the high rates of divorce. India is a world leader in maintaining the individual well-knit family units in becoming the basic building blocks of civic society. The country can be proud of the importance it gives to families, partners and the thread of sanctity and holiness with which couples are tied to remain partners for life. Coming from India, I cannot state any less the importance which is attached to marriages and more importantly the arranged marriage system which is a shining model for the world. I am arrange married without any pre-marriage acquaintance with opposite sex and was supposed to live with my partner for life, which is the case with 99% Indians. It is unlike in any other part of the world. The stats speak the same which is where ancient traditions of India can bring light to the world. India is a developed world in this regard. When the deficiency is pointed out in U.S., it is with a hope to fill the hole and close the gap. I write about Ramayana with the same hope - to instill seeds of trees of virtues and principles in a dry, barren land - to stand on the virtues over and above the challenges of life.

Let us quickly look into what works in India and then come back to the problem in U.S. For Indians, marriage is a sacrosanct union. It is also an important social institution. Marriages in India are between two families, rather two individuals, and arranged marriages are customary. In the Shastric Hindu law, marriage has been regarded as one of the essential samskaras (sacrament for every Hindu). Every Hindu must marry. “To be mothers were woman created and to be fathers men. The Veda ordains that Dharma must be practiced by man together with his wife and offspring. He is only perfect who consists of his wife and offspring. The wife is verily half of the husband. Man is only half, not complete until he marries. Those who have wives can fulfill their obligations in this world; those who have wives truly have a family life; those who have wives can be happy; those who have wives can have a full life.” For a Hindu marriage is essential, not only for begetting a son in order to discharge his debt to the ancestors, but also for performance of other religious and spiritual duties. The institution of marriage is considered sacred even by those who view it just as a legal or social contract and without any moral binding. Indians give highest importance to marriage and family. They can let break everything but not the relationships sanctified by a holy union.

 

The sacramental aspect of marriage under Hindu law has three characteristics: (1) That it is a sacrament union, which means that marriage is not to gratify one's physical needs; but is primarily meant for the performance of religious and spiritual duties; (2) a sacramental union implies that a marriage once entered cannot be dissolved on any ground whatsoever; and (3) a sacramental union also means that it is a union of soul, body and mind. It is a union not only for this life, but for all lives to come. The union is not only for this world, but also for other worlds. With such an importance accorded to a union in India since time immemorial, generations altogether have been deeply ingrained with this DNA to commit no mistake against the holy pact. The treaty is considered wholesome, absolute and singular without any thought for deviation whatsoever.

 

With such importance attached, there is little doubt that failure rate is just 1% in India. Now let us look at the same arena in U.S. which portrays a malfunctioned system with lowest priority given to staying together. It is a common case in America to marry, separate, remarry and so on. While there are individuals who stay together, it is certainly not the general case or the median account of the country. Research has found the most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, too much arguing, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse. Having a personal dedication to your marriage involves a real desire to be together with one’s spouse in the future and having an identity as a couple.  When there is a high level of commitment in a relationship, we feel safer and are willing to give more.  Developing this level of commitment can take time as you learn to change your mindset. Developing a high sense of commitment can bind the couple more strongly without any loose ends leading to separation. In fact, 75% of individuals and couples cited lack of commitment as the reason for their divorce. This was the most common cause of a marriage ending, exceeding even infidelity whereas 60% of Divorced Couples Cited Infidelity as a Reason for their Divorce. There are many other issues which are highlighted earlier. The divorce rates among prominent people and celebrities is also very high who should not be the case as they need to serve as models to the civic society. It is high time these celebrities call off their separation and reunite to serve the higher purpose and set a new precedent. Society must nurture healthy partnerships and family units without indulging elsewhere. The western nations along with U.S. must mend the ways in improving this status-quo to breed healthy societies. This 40 and 50% or more divorce rate should fall to 1 or less than 1% in these countries and India can certainly play a role in enforcing the same. 

 
P.S. - After my relationship with U.S., I lost my interest and divorcing U.S. to replace with India in appreciation of these great virtues India stands for.