Review Of First Month in Return Mode And Few Fearful Insigths

                   Since the last many days of my stay in the new place, I more often than not felt the place and people are worth the effort put into reach here. This is to reiterate that my presence in this location is no joke or coincidence but more a result of enduring process. This is again a big milestone given my background and capabilities. People tend to reach this kind of position after slowly growing in two to three generations. But I leapfrogged in no time with bare minimum support by working tirelessly and inadvertently following all the shortcuts. Though this is a questionable path with all the risks involved, this is the only path I had for my journey. Giving what it takes is more important than time spent to give.

                   The multitudes and even I thought about enjoying my foreign trip which is all but true. For all that I had expended, the toughest part is not reaching here but staying among those with significant generational gap. The situation transpired in a way that after reaching the destination, my fortunes upended with change of place and interviews hardly took place. Though I am not sure how to read this and decide further, a positive outcome is expected out of the turmoil. A way to read is I am akin to a labour class person from a third world nation seeking to work with rich people of the affluent nation. The contrast is striking in reality. If not for the contrast, it would not have taken so long to start the ball rolling. Despite all my shortcomings, I am making all possible efforts to bridge the gap and make the dream a reality. This is no less than a mission to launch a rocket or any of the most challenging and adventurous tasks.

                    While the steepest of the climbs are in place, to remain virtuous in this risky phase is the biggest risk. In the heat of the moment as this, it might be prudent to weigh the positive impact and see if success is more important than virtues. A self-less person would go for the success of a critical mission by sacrificing the virtues. Someone else might also see success in sticking to the virtues than failing in the endeavor. Though this is only an imaginative comment on the picture, no one can control what has happened, happening and about to happen. All the world is a stage and everyone is a mere actor on it.

                    Among the many characteristics of my stay, one of the most important is fear. This quality hinders you from being yourself and does not manifest your personality to the outer world. The trait also make you appear more possessive and out of normal being. I went to few psychiatrists to correct this during the last trip to India, the results of which are yet to be seen. I am constantly operating with an element of risk which implicitly grooms fear. In addition, constant scrutiny also make you fear for the public. This is the hallmark of my recent outings and conversations. Though I think of many milestones and achievements, I also knew nothing concrete can be achieved with these ever engulfing phobias.

                     A vague feeling also struck that this common trait of fear brought me to this country. The denizens of the land gets frightened very easily and have more security concerns than anyone else - running world’s largest defense network. Their lifestyle and operating threshold starts from the range of inducing maximum fear. This is despite the large outer appearance which frightens me. It is always intriguing to watch huge figures with scary faces feeling threatened due to little objects. I cannot even threaten a kid in my country but can bully these big guys. Ironically the most fearful person is also the most terrorizing one. The other day I am told walking on a road in broad day light is very risky in this country. This answers why treadmills are being widely used these days even for dogs. Though one need to be careful while walking in sight of these super humans, this is not the only time you are threatened. You are intimidated, awestruck frequently and the question remains why you need to fear so much to make a living. Lowering the standards is far better than living with these insecurities.

                     The other day I went around the nearby town and visited an art museum. I was drawn by the world wide collection of antiques and the perspective of Indian art in foreign nation. Of all the displays, few pieces in Indian section exuded more art in detail than anything else. The abstract paintings in the American modern art are also many people’s favourite master pieces for varying reasons. For all the hidden mysteries, the abstract painting unit did not allow photography while no one else objected. Apart from location, museums all over exhibit the similar old displays. I bent in reverence for the place and few other buildings in location which are testimonials of years-old design built to see the wither the time-line.